Salvation
by Beyond-obsession
Summary: Willow's in denial, and Spike's gone mad. Together, can they save each other? s7, no real spoilers.
1. Default Chapter

Summary: Willow's in denial, Spike's crazy, can they save each other? br br

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.  Though I wish I owned Spike, sigh, oh well, enjoy the yumminess anyway. brbr

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            Spike fell on the cold, hard ground of the cave.  The demon retracted his hand and allowed Spike to deal with his pain alone.  He fainted from the emotional pain he felt.  When he stirred the next day, he burst out into tears.  "Oh god, did I really, oh" he cried. br   br

            It took him days to just get outside the cave, and weeks to be able to walk around the village with his head held high.  He felt a strange calling to go back to the place that had made his unlife a living hell, though he didn't know why. br br   

            With his ability to sustain the pain long enough to walk came a horrible consequence.  When he finally let the feelings out, he would be taunted by nothingness, but it would sometimes take shape and become forms that cause him more and more pain.

            He set off for Sunnydale again, because he really had no other place to go. br br br  hr

            Willow was alone again.  She had just come from her last class from the coven.  She was appreciative of what they taught her, but she was too concerned with what she had done to care.  She understood everything, and was willing to learn, but her mind would not accept what her heart had done, and that preoccupied it. brbr

            She sat on one of the hotel chairs and crossed a leg over the other.  She leaned back and sighed, closing her eyes.  Tears streamed down her face, as they had every day for her months there.  brbr

            Her love was gone.  She had killed the man who had done it.  She had tried to destroy the world, but more so, her friends.  The very people who had put up with her phases, and she had even attempted to kill her best friend.  The one who understood her most.  She couldn't deal with herself any longer. brbr

            Willow ran into the bathroom and stared at her reflection in the mirror.  She slapped herself on the face.  She continued to slap until her hands hurt, then she punched herself.  She started sobbing and collapsed on the floor pulling at her hair and scratching her legs with her nails.  brbr

            Giles was on his way to the room, but he ran when he felt her pain.  They had been connected paranormally when she stole his power, and he could feel her joy, her confusion, her murderous thoughts, everything.  He opened the door and ran to the sound. brbr

            He found her crumpled on the floor.  Her legs were bleeding and her face was beet red.  He picked her up and cradled her head gently, rocking her back and forth.  "Giles, I can't stand it anymore!  This pain, this guilt, what you've done has been wonderful but I can't," she started.  Giles patted her back and whispered, "Shh, dear Willow, I understand.  Calm yourself, we're going back to Sunnydale, and your friends will be there, and it will be ok." brbr

            She sniffed and looked up at him, "How can you say that??  I've murdered somebody and you say it will be fine?  How, why, what made you," she tried but she started crying again.  "There, there.  You're right, what happened is not okay, but everything will be from now on.  You must be strong about this, Willow.  I cannot be strong for you.  I will not," Giles said lovingly, but firmly. brbr

            Red-eyed and not quite clear of tears yet, she nodded and tried to stand.  Giles helped her up, and led her back to the bedroom.  "Now, can you handle packing?" he asked.  She nodded again and he said, "Alright then, I shall be downstairs waiting for you.  Our ride will be here shortly," and he left. brbr

            Willow packed what little things the Council had packed for her in their rush to get her to safety.  She glanced around the room once more, took a deep sigh and headed to the door.  She walked downstairs, never looking back. hr


	2. At home

Spike reached the Hellmouth safely, but who can really be safe at a place like Sunnydale?  He walked around a bit, feeling the pull of his conscience on his mind once more.  Quickly, he bought a newspaper and ran off to read it and cry in silence.  brbr

The only problem was, he couldn't find a good resting spot.  There were people everywhere.  That's when he spotted it, the new High School.  brbr

            He remembered when he first had been in the old one.  Crashing Buffy's attempt at being a normal student had been so pleasing.  The soul just reminded him of the pain he had caused her and he almost buckled.  He rushed to find solitude. brbr

            Reluctantly, he made up his mind and ran to the High School.  He sneaked in the back way and found a piece not fully constructed yet, which led to the basement.  He hid amongst the rubble found there, and leaned against the wall. brbr

            His own wall of strength he had made against his soul was let down, and he slid down the wall as he burst into tears.  He had waited too long.  The nothingness was back, and loneliness came with it.  But this time, the loneliness was too strong.  Not only was he reminded of how lonely he was, he was also reminded of why he would NEVER be loved and that he didn't deserve it.  brbr

            The taunting was normal, but this taunting lasted for hours.  Then days.  It wouldn't leave him alone, give him any rest.  He dug at his heart, wishing that he could just gouge it out and die, but he knew it wouldn't work anyway, despite the pain it would cause him. brbr

            The feelings he felt flooded over him, until his eyes glazed over and he collapsed onto the ground, not waking for a few days.  By the time he had awoken, his soul had ransacked his mind, and he was left to fend for himself, trying to make himself sane again. brbr

            What little he could say on his own, before going back into craziness, was enough to tell himself he'd be ok.  brbr

            When Buffy found him the next day, it took everything he had to stop the lunacy in his mind long enough to say hello and to warn her of an attacker behind her.  Then he fell back onto the floor and rocked back and forth, spewing nothing but riddles from his long-lost mind.  brbrhr

            Willow arrived in Sunnydale, feeling lost and confused.  The second she stepped out of the car, Giles rushed to her side, ready to catch her.  It was a good thing he was there, too, because when she stepped out, the memories and the pain flew back to her, as if she were living through it all over again.  It was too much to handle, and she fell backwards. brbr

            Giles caught her in mid-fall, but he couldn't save her from what was there.  He picked her up and carried her to his apartment, which he owned in case of emergencies.  He laid her down on the couch and put a blanket over her.  brbr

            "Giles, why am I here again?" she croaked.  He sighed, "I know it hurts, but you must face what is to come, Willow.  What happened was unfortunate, but you'll never get over it unless you face the truth.  This is why we're here.  I'm going to call Buffy and inform her of our return.  Please, just relax."  He rose and went upstairs to phone Buffy. brbr

            Willow cringed inside, and wished for everything to just, disappear for a while.  Just long enough for her to find herself again.  She wasn't the same as she was back when she met Buffy.  She had changed, and she wasn't too sure that she missed her old self.  But one thing was certain, she missed the care-free life.  She silently rolled over, pulled the blanket up close, and fell asleep. brbr

            Giles came downstairs, about to tell Willow to rest, but it was obvious that she didn't need to be told.  He smiled to himself, glad she had found some peace, if only for a short while.  The next few days would be extremely hard on the poor girl.hr


	3. A cry for love

Spike awoke to pain once more.  How long had he been here?  He looked around at the etchings he had scratched into the wall, due to his madness.  His few sane moments were spent keeping track of the days. brbr

            Three weeks.  Three long, painful weeks had passed since he had escaped from Africa.  Spike started to rise, clasping the wall for support, ready to collapse again at any moment.  brbr

            But his legs worked.  After a month or so of crying and lunacy, he could stand, physically and emotionally.  He panicked.  What could he do?  He couldn't stay in the basement of a High School, but where would he go?  He sat down again and in his mind called out for somebody who cared, somebody who could show him the way. brbr

            He was still partly crazy, but he was dealing.  He worried that this was all a dream.  That he would wake up and be tortured again.  His call for love became for intensified, as he felt the impending loneliness all around him. br br  

            Realizing what he was doing was become more magical than imagination, he kept at it.  The power it took to call out was draining him, and he was already on empty.  His power was gone, and he lied down again, at peace with himself. brbrhr

            The two were at peace together, one making a call for love, one desperate to be somebody's love, and feel it.  The call surged directly to Willow, and she awoke with a start. brbr

            She made a quick scream as she bolted up, trying to remember what made her awaken.  She closed her eyes and searched herself, hard.  She remembered the call, and the deep, sultry voice that she had heard.  It sounded so familiar, but why would it be coming to her? brbr

            "Giles?  Help," she called out quietly.  Giles came from the kitchen, hearing her scream was not unusual these days, but it was never uncalled for.  "Willow? Are you alright?  Did you see something?" he asked cautiously. brbr

            She shook her head, "No, well maybe.  I heard someone, or more like felt them.  There were no words, but the feeling was there, and I understood it perfectly.  I don't know who it was, but I know where it came from." She said, lying a bit about not knowing who it was.  It registered the second she woke up. brbr

            She had always thought Spike was attractive, how could she not?  But when she found Tara, she knew she had found love, and that Spike would just be an attraction.  A fatal attraction, if you will.  brbr

            But now he was calling out to her?  Then it struck her, where had he been?  She never even heard anything or saw him whilst she was ransacking Sunnydale.  The emotion he felt, it was amazing.  She was in tune with him, and she felt his fear and desperation. brbr

            She had never known Spike to fear, that just wasn't him.  But what could be happening to him?  She tried to call back to him, but she could feel that the signal would not get through.  He must be completely drained. brbr

            "Willow? Hello?" Giles called, waving his hand in front of her face.  She realized she had been staring off at the stairs, thinking.  "Hmm?  Oh, I'm sorry, I was thinking.  What were you saying?" she asked.  He shook his head, "I said that seemed rather odd, and that you should probably investigate it after Buffy comes over here.  She's on her way." hr


	4. What are friends for?

The knock at the door came suddenly and without warning.  Willow wanted to run.  She could sense who it was, and she did not want to discuss anything this visitor could bring to talk about.  But, Giles opened the door anyway. brbr

            "Willow!  Oh my God, I, wow!  It's so good just to see you again!  Are you alright?" Buffy ran in and hugged her friend, babbling excitedly.  Willow nodded and hugged back, feeling slightly detached, "Yeah, Buff, I'm fine and dandy.  Don't you just see me skipping with joy?" the sarcasm in her voice was a bit more harsh than it should've been. brbr

            Giles glanced around and said, "Buffy, Willow, I'm going to give you two a few hours alone.  I'll be at the café, you know my cell number," and with that, he left. brbr

            Buffy sat down next to Willow and said, "Will, I know you've been through too much lately, and I just want to help.  Please, talk to me.  I need to hear what you're going through."  Willow put her head on her friends shoulder.  "Buffy, I needed someone to talk to so bad.  Giles would never understand, and I'm not sure you would either, but God knows I needed you," she said, starting to cry. brbr

            Buffy hugged her friend, "Go ahead, Wills, I'm listening."  Willow spilled everything to her best friend.  She told how the Council just deleted everything about the murder, and sent her off to a coven that taught her.  They taught her about everything being connected, and they showed her how to use her power for good, and to keep everything in mind when doing magic. brbr

            She left out one thing though.  She was scared to tell Buffy about the telepathic call she had heard from Spike.  But, to start the conversation gently, Willow brought up the topic of Spike. brbr

            "Buff, what happened between you and Spike?  Save me the little details, but please give me the summary.  As your best friend, I need to know," she prodded gently. brbr

            Buffy sighed, "Oh, it's a really long story.  But, we're going to be here a while, so I guess I will.  I've made you talk about stuff you're uncomfortable with too. brbr

            "Ok, I won't lie to you.  I've always thought Spike was a hottie, please excuse my teenish terms.  Since that night in High School, I've had a crush on the guy.  I always knew he was evil though, and I knew better than to act on it.  Especially since my ordeal with Angel. brbr

            "When he discovered he liked me, though he called it love, I was disgusted.  I never loved him.  I couldn't love him.  The chip was just a short-termed thing, and I knew he would be evil again.  He acted so sweet, though.  I started to think that he might actually know what love was. brbr

            "So, things changed.  Crush turned to like, and like turned to lust.  I don't know if it ever went further on my side.  Remember the curse that made us sing and dance?  Happy times, I suppose, but that was when we first kissed.  It was amazing.  After the Riley thing, I wondered if I would be happy again.  I knew normal people wouldn't work for me though. brbr

            "When he discovered his chip stopped working, he tried to fight me.  I don't know why, and I could feel he never meant it.  He was just frustrated with what I was putting him through.  I liked him too much to leave him alone, but I was too ashamed of him and myself to talk to anyone about it.  Well, that night he challenged me to a fight, at an abandoned house. brbr

            "The fight was intense, but as the tension built between us, I gave in.  Lust overcame my thoughts of disgust and hatred and we slept together.  Bringing the house down, literally," Buffy added with a smile, and then frowned. brbr

            "Not to be offensive, but since that night, we were doing it like bunnies.  And, amazingly enough, he wanted to discuss it.  Women were supposed to be the ones who wanted to know more, not men.  My inability to share my feelings with him, and my friends made him more and more upset.  And though he enjoyed the sex, it wasn't entirely what he wanted. brbr

            "So, I called it off.  I was using him, and I told him.  That wasn't good enough for him, though.  He "knew"," she said making quotation marks in the air, "That I loved him. brbr

            "He finally tried to make me love him.  He attempted to rape me, in a drunken rage.  I can't hold it against him any longer though.  He was right, but I'm too late," she ended, sadly. brbrhr

            Spike awoke with a start.  He felt a million tons lift off of his chest.  He could hear words ringing in his head, "I can't hold it against him any longer.  He was right, and I'm too late," kept echoing.  He had been forgiven.  He felt his mind freed too, yet he still felt lost.  He grinned at the warm feeling of freedom, yet he frowned again, due to his unwillingness to move.  brbr

            He felt he should stay here.  For his guide would be coming any day now. brbrhr

            Willow looked at her friend, trying to think of how to start the next piece of the conversation.  "Wow, Buffy, all that time and you never spoke to any of us about it?  How did you deal?" brbr

            Buffy looked back up, "I beat him up.  When I wasn't making love to him I beat the crap out of him.  And he never fought back.  That's how I dealt.  I made sure I knew that I wasn't in love with him by fighting the feelings in the flesh." brbr

            Willow took a deep breath and sighed, "I have something to tell you, and I'm not sure how it's going to go over, but please, listen." Buffy nodded. brbr

            "Ok then.  Earlier this afternoon, I fell asleep here on Giles's couch.  I was dreaming, and soon I felt this thought rush into my head, piercing the dream.  It wasn't really words, more of a feeling, and the feelings had a voice.  The thought spoke for itself though.  It was a cry for love and guidance, and I don't know why it came to me, but I know who it's from, and I know where he is." brbr

            Buffy tilted her head a bit and a look of recognition came over her face, "Spike.  Willow, I don't know," she started.  Willow shook her head, "I know! It's crazy, but I have had feelings for him, not love, but I've always thought of him as attractive.  He's not the same as he was when he first came here, we both know that.  I want to give him a chance, if he even meant to call out for me.  I don't think it was a conscious decision for it to go to me." brbr

            Buffy sighed again, "Willow, I'll tell you this now.  I cannot condone you falling in love with Spike, but I will sidestep out of the way, and make Xander do it too, if you feel this is what will make you happy.  I owe you at least that much respect for all you've done."  Willow grinned sheepishly, "Buffy, do you mean it?  I mean, I've never really thought about being in love with him, but, just thinking of how he could need me, it just, wow, you know?  Alright, I'm hopeless, but you have no idea how much what you just said means to me!" Willow hugged Buffy as hard as she could, and Buffy hugged back. brbr

            "Will, I'm glad you're back alright.  I know there's a lot to come to terms with, but you can do it.  However, I need to go patrol, and I think there's somebody you need to go find," she grinned, "G'night, Will."  Buffy stood and hugged Willow once more, and left. brbr

            "'Night Buffy," Willow said as her friend walked out the door.  Willow searched around for a post-it note.  After digging around in Giles's desk, she found one, and wrote, "Be back later tonight or tomorrow, gone in search of message sender."  She put the note on the door and locked his apartment.  brbr

            She sent a message out to Spike, "I'm coming.  Stay there, I'll be there soon."hr


	5. Salvation is found

Spike sat there in the darkness, looking through the hole he had come through at the sky.  It really was beautiful.  He counted the stars and imagined when he could walk outside, under them freely once more. brbr

            A thought not belonging to him interrupted his serene state of mind.  Coming? Who was coming?  brbr

            His mouth hung open a bit as he realized what was going on.  His call had indeed reached somebody, and the voice the thought he received reminded him of somebody he had never hurt, which brought him more peace.  "Red?  Is that you?" he said aloud. brbr

            He stood up and walked around, but returned to where he was sitting and rocked back and forth.  brbr

            She smelled good, he could remember that much about her.  And he kept sniffing the air, willingly inhaling the dust around him, just wishing for her scent to be near. brbr

            "Oh, bugger it.  One last time, and then I'll just sleep 'til she gets here, if she does," he said, and took one big sniff.  Strawberries.  He could smell strawberries, her hair!  Her shampoo was strawberry flavored. brbr

            He rose to his feet once more and peered out of the hole in the wall. brbrhr

            Willow was near the school, and with each step she took she could sense Spike.  That was a big help, seeing as she didn't know exactly where in the school he was.  She felt his presence, very close, and she looked around for an entrance of some kind. brbr

            She spotted the hole after a brief glance at one wall, and walked over to it.  Yeah, he was in there alright.  She took a deep breath and called out for him, "Spike?  Are you in there?"  brbr

            She heard rustling and a stuttered response, "yea, yeah!  Red?  Is that you?" brbr

            She slid through the hole in the wall, and her eyes adjusted to the light slowly.  "Yes, Spike.  It's me.  I got this, thought in my head, and it was you, and you needed, yeah, but I wasn't sure if it was meant for me, but I knew I should try," she started to babble. brbr

            Spike reached out and put a finger on her lips.  His hands were shaking, either from fear, exhaustion, anticipation, or hunger.  He whispered, "Shh, luv, shh.  Of course it was meant for you.  You're the only person I've never hurt, in all my evils, I've never hurt you, so of course you would be the one I would need."  brbr

            Willow's lips quivered and a couple of tears escaped from her eyes.  "Spike?  Let's get out of here, please.  We have a lot to discuss," she said quietly, her eyes pleading with him. brbr

            "As you wish, luv, let's go," he said, leading her out of the hole and out to a picnic table. brbrhr

            They sat there for hours, just remembering, and wishing.  Willow explained, painfully, to Spike what had happened while he was gone.  brbr

            "Cor, Red, that monster of a man, how could he think he could get away from you after he killed your girlfriend?  That, even to me, is just horrible," he said, lying on one of the benches, with Willow on the other. brbr

            She was crying by now, but not too hard, "Yeah, it was, but I didn't know how to control myself.  I just went after him," she sniffed, "But it's ok now, I think.  Tell me about your summer vacation, Spike." brbr

            Spike chuckled, "Sure Red, if you wanna call it that.  I suppose Buffy's told you about all I've done by now.  After, well, after I tried to make her love me, I split.  I left town and headed off to Africa, to be what I was.  Guess I didn't even know what I wanted. brbr

            "When I got there, a renown demon put me through a bunch of trials, and ended up turning the tables on me and giving me my soul back."  Willow gasped, "Spike! You have a soul!?  That's great!  Isn't it?" brbr

            Spike sighed, "Yeah, I guess it is.  But it wasn't at the time.  After I had been given the soul, all I could do was lay on the demon's floor and cry.  I got up to walk around, and finally got the strength to come back, which made it all the worse.  I hid out under the High School and in desperation, made a silent call for help. brbr

            "The thing is, I didn't know it was real.  I thought I was just dreaming, or making some call to myself, but I felt the power in me draining, and that's when I decided it was magic, and somebody, somewhere got the message.  Thank God it was you.  Anybody else and I'd be in a worse position than I was." brbr

            Willow nodded.  "Spike, this is a stupid thing for me to ask, but, did you really need me?  To show you the way, or to love you?  Because I do, and I will show you the way, but please, I need to know."  brbr

            Spike sat up, and Willow did too.  "Re, Willow, I've never really thought about it.  But, you know, we have a lot in common.  I, big bad evil thing, wanted to rule the world, and murdered people.  But now, I have a soul, and I've been redeemed and forgiven.  Especially by the person I've hurt the most, I just feel it.  You, a shy, innocent girl, was taken advantage of and got back with revenge and killed a man, and tried to destroy the world.  Your friends love you still, and you've been redeemed.  We both have gone through that. brbr

            "And you know what else?  I do love you, Red.  You were always the person who made sense in the Scoobies, and you were the one person I could stand.  And I'm really glad you came for me.  Though the Scoobies won't be too happy when they find out we might be an item.  Are we?" he said looking into her eyes. brbr

            Willow searched herself, and found her love for him was deeper than she had thought.  She leaned forward, and her lips met his.  They kissed for a second, but the electricity surged through her, and him.  She pulled back, "Only if you want us to be, but God knows I do." brbr

            He licked his lips, tasting the strawberry lip gloss she wore.  He grinned up, in an almost evil way, "Red, I love you, know that now.  And I can't live without you, luv," he said, and leaned in for another kiss.  Willow graciously accepted, and kissed until she ran out of air. brbr

            The couple moved off of the bench and sat on the grass.  Spike laid horizontally, and Willow rested her head on his chest as they stared off, gazing at the stars.  Spike stroked her red hair, and talked gently to her.  They stayed that way for hours, until it appeared dawn would be coming soon. brbr

            They rose onto their feet and hugged and kissed their goodbyes for the moment.  They started to walk off, until they both turned around and said, "Thank you for saving me."  The look on their faces was timeless, as both acknowledged each other's thanks, and both faces showed renewed hope and love.  Salvation had been found for each of them.hr

END


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